I’m T – an autistic, queer and trans, chronically ill, disabled parent and human.
I’m writing this now, separated from ego and fully immersed in my beliefs that all people deserve, at a baseline, the right to exist safely, held by community, with all needs met.
These things are so easy for me to believe in and stand for in their application to other people, but where do my own support needs sit at this table?
Fear, especially in this climate drenched in ableism and am obvious devaluation of disabled lives, has held me back from seeking the support I’ve needed at the scale I’ve needed it. It seems there is always someone waiting to weaponize my limitations, to screenshot a post or type out a quote to use against me. My fear of losing my children, my community, my autonomy and say-so about my own life and body – these fears are now things I’m choosing to face head on. I choose to speak loudly to my values and to the principals of disability justice. In doing this, I know that I am no less deserving of care and support than those I have cared so deeply for in my work, parenting, and advocacy. I, too, know that a shift from supporter to supported does not diminish the truth that what I CAN do, I can and will continue to do incredibly well as a necessary piece of the framework of my community.
“Disability Justice framework understands that all bodies are unique and essential, that all bodies have strengths and needs that must be met.”
-Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice
My own body and brain – the care and daily function of them – alongside my parenthood, especially as it applies to my autistic child whose needs are often so much more visible and urgent-seeming than my own – these things are my full time job. And while there is so much joy and love and warmth I find myself surrounded by in this work, there is also so much need.
I can no longer push through the bouts of severe burnout and skill regression and I can no longer aggressively nudge myself to physically do what has to be done in order to financially survive. Time has shown that the “push through” creates much more long term damage than it does success.
I share this with my community with great hope of rest and recovery for now, and eventually, sustainability in support for body, life, and family.
